Sunday, April 6, 2008

Shhh...Because She Will "Hunt You Down..."

Dear Holy Diva,

I know you must be pretty hot right now. (and I'm not referring to your physical appearance at the moment, nor your current possible geographic location.) Your album, E=MC² has leaked in entirety online, and has spread quicker than wildfire.

I've listened to the album thoroughly a few times, and I will honestly say that I'm pleased for the most part. The studio version of "Migrate" is just as blazing as I thought it would be, and there are a few more songs that truly captured me with their seemingly instant hit appeal. However, I do feel like the overall feel of the album is quite static, and I truly wish there were more tried and true uplifting/emotional tracks. (i.e. "Fly Like a Bird," "Mine Again") than "I Wish You Well." Not saying that songs like "Bye Bye," and "I Stay In Love" aren't emotional songs; quite the contrary, they are. I just honestly wish that these and the other emotionally-tinged songs didn't sound like a variation or remix of "Don't Forget About Us."

Even with the aforementioned disappointment, I still love the album, as it is extremely listenable from beginning to end. Here are my current favorites from E=MC²: (no particular order)


"Touch My Body"
(I still stick by my words, but damn it, the song is addicting at the moment)

"Cruise Control"

"I Stay In Love"

"Love Story"

"I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time"

"Thanx 4 Nothin' "

"For the Record"

"Bye Bye"

That's over half of the album. Well done Diva.



P.S. I thought about posting my usual listen only music format to accompany this composition, but I'm not even chancing it because I know that you, Miss Carey, would have my sh*t deleted in a diva snap.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Unexpected Indeed

Dear That Third Girl In Destiny's Child,

I kid! I know your name, and maybe all of mainstream America will know it someday. After releasing a couple of gospel albums that were well received in their respective genre, you and your P.I.M.P. stated that your upcoming album would be R&B oriented. Late last year, a clip of a song that was slated to be apart of the new album surfaced. "Stop This Car" sounded just as amazing as it did intriguing.

Today, you revealed the song that is set to become the first release from Unexpected due in August...

Listen: Michelle Williams- "We Break the Dawn"

© Music World Entertainment/Columbia Records

Unexpected is a fu*king understatement! I truly never saw this coming. Riding the current popular wave of Euro-inspired synthesized danceable pop was a clever choice, and I'm shocked that you could actually make it work! "We Break the Dawn" is an excellent track with it's relatable lyrics, rock-solid vocals, and catchy production. Although you have always played third wheel to P.I.M.P. and Kelly Rowland, people that have followed your previous solo efforts know the vocal talent you possess. Hopefully Unexpected will display this talent to those who are still not in the know.

Impressed and Fingers Crossed That You Will At Least Sell More Albums Than Kelly Rowland,


Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Art of Subtlety Is Lost Upon Some People...

Dear Keyshia Cole,

I have been a fan of yours almost from day one of your debut on the music scene. I remember seeing the video for "I Changed My Mind" and found you intriguing; obviously talented. Then I saw/heard "(I Just Want It) To Be Over," and I was completely sold. The Way It Is was an impressive album debut. Your latest album, Just Like You is simply phenomenal, and shows that you have the talent to be around for years to come.

Earlier this week, I found out that "Heaven Sent" would be the fourth single release from Just Like You. The music video for the song premiered on BET Access Granted last night...

The setting for the video is absolutely beautiful, but my overall impression for the video is of vast disappointment. I feel that "Heaven Sent" is a serious, deeply emotional song, and you, Miss Cole, are hopping around giddily and spastically like a junkie! With all the similarities/comparisons to the future legendary Mary J. Blige, I wish that you would have taken a cue from her (i.e. "Everything") and implemented a complete mood of serenity; while being subdued throughout the whole video. The energy that is being exhibited is just too over the top, even draggish, for an emotional ballad such as this.

Still a Fan and Hoping You Aren't On That Stuff,


P.S. PLEASE bring back ANY look of the "(I Just Want It) To Be Over" video. Those were GREAT looks for you!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Dear Miss Ventura,

Although an estimated 319,000 U.S. consumers purchased your self-titled debut album, I didn't fall victim. "Me & U" was insanely addictive; an undeniable hit. Even though the follow up single, "Long Way 2 Go" bombed on the U.S. charts, I personally thought it was a hot song. I honestly didn't bother to listen to all the songs on your debut, especially after viewing some of your live tragedies; although I've listened to "Ditto" and liked it also.

Your latest release, "Is It You" from the Step Up 2 Soundtrack is another winner in my opinion, and proves that you may have the legs to outrun the one hit wonder league. Today, I came across a song that has been stated to be a potential first single from your upcoming second album...

Listen: Cassie- "Thirsty"

© NextSelection/Bad Boy Records

From first listen, I liked it. "Thirsty" is certainly catchy/appealing with its production, and its staccato vocal delivery throughout the majority of the song. While I'm tempted to say that "Thirsty," while solid, may lack the punch to make it the ideal first single; I remember that you are the artist behind "Me & U." The reality is that you will likely NEVER trump that song, so releasing "Thirsty" as the first single is somewhat irrelevant when you really think about it.

Hoping That If You Haven't Improved Your Live Vocals That You'll At Least Have the Decency to Hire a Stunt Voice This Go Around,


Monday, March 24, 2008


Dear Donnie Klang,

I will admit that I wasn't really a fan of yours during Making the Band 4, Season 1. I was actually dumbfounded when you were granted a solo record deal from Mr. Bitchassness himself. I felt like if any solo deals were going to be given out, that there were far more deserving contestants.

Fast forward to Season 2 of Making the Band 4, I actually began to like and respect you as an artist. You exhibited a strong work ethic, and there was a noticeable improvement in your vocals. The deal breaker truly was when I heard your studio sessions of three seemingly hot songs; "I Don't Care," "Dr. Love," and "Rolling Stone."

Yesterday, the first single from your upcoming album was released...

Listen: Donnie Klang ft. Diddy- "Take You there"

© Bad Boy/Atlantic Records

Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. My first impression of "Take You There;" a bootleg "Sexy Back." I decide to give it a few more spins to get a true assessment. While the production captivated me a bit more, the overall impression of the song didn't waiver. While I can envision where the song was trying to go, it just doesn't work completely for me. I can't ignore the fact that it's blatantly Timberlake-ish and quite frankly, you can't execute it like he does. While your track was indeed "Bitchassmatized," I reckon it could've been worse. (Because he has been worse)

I can see the potential in you as an artist, but this first single is not showing it. "Take You There" certainly isn't showing any originality that you may posses.

Suggesting You Move IMMEDIATELY to Single Number Two,


Sunday, March 23, 2008

Ya'll Were Robbed!

Dear Kaba Modern,

Thanks for entering America's Best Dance Crew. Your crew, along with the JabbaWockeeZ, made me realize that Asians are some of the best dancers (if not the best) in the world. It's a shame that you were robbed out of a finale spot.

(My favorite KM performances)

G- Slide


Status Quo certainly doesn't deserve to be among the final 2 crews. I just can't believe that their one great performance gave them the momentum to go all the way to the finals. I also can't believe that at the last elimination, SQ were the top vote getters! Conspiracy? More than likely. After all, it is Randy Jackson who is running the show. With all his years on American Idol, I think he tried his hand at some Simon Fuller fuckery. You can take solace that your fellow Asian contemporaries (JabbaWockeeZ) will absolutely murder SQ in the finale...

Thank you KM for your creativity, ridiculous precision, and inventive choreography.


P.S. Yuri, keep killing them girl. You're so pretty! I'm sure LOTS of guys would want to love you long time!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

I Watch MTV, I Don't Need to Google You Chick...

Dear Miss Swagger,

I've seen you all up on MTV with your Super Sweet 16 episode, and knew that you had the potential to be successful as an artist. You have a refreshing style, seemingly eclectic personality, plus, everyone knows that given the right environment, a cocky hood-rat can go pretty far in the music biz. Although it took a few listens, I'm truly feeling "Google Me" nowadays.

I finally watched the music video for "Google Me" all the way through today...

Teyana Taylor- "Google Me"

Even though the video's vibe is definitely hood rich, (borderline ghetto fabulous) I enjoyed it. I see the sense of creativity, and your swagger is out of this world. For all the publicity your dancing has gotten you though, you know you could've had stronger choreography. Overall though, I dig it.

Wishing for the Next Lauryn Hill But Don't Think I've Found It In You,


Friday, March 21, 2008

Can't Let Go of This Song

Dear Linda Kiraly,

Yes, I actually know that you exist! It's a shame that the majority of the United States doesn't know of you, and you were @%#$*!^ born here! I digress though, and understand that may be due to the not so little fact you are Hungarian and your family moved to Hungary in 1999.

I'm not familiar with the music you have released. I mean, you were releasing it overseas! I am, however, familiar with one particular song of yours that I discovered late last year...

Linda Kiraly- "Can't Let Go"

Damn you! Every since I've heard this song, I can't let go of it! I find myself always coming back to listen to it at one point or another. The song is outstanding. It sounds like the type of song that should already be an international smash. As for the music video, bitch, you worked! I love the simplicity of it and you are truly beautiful.

I've heard you have moved back to New York and are currently at work on your first full English-language album. I know "Can't Let Go" has been released on Itunes already, but PLEASE have Universal Republic Records release that shit again and have them actually promote it!

Praying You Don't End Up in a Kiley Dean Type Situation,


Nelly's Hopeful Hit

Dear Nelly,

Man, I know it's been hard times for you lately. "Wadsyaname" didn't take off as a single, and even the song you did with your girl was scrapped as her potential lead-off single. I must say that I do LOVE "Wadsyaname." It still puzzles me that it was not a substantial hit. I loved the melody of the song, and thought it was classic Nelly. Late last year was crazy in the world of music though, so I would like to believe that you just got lost in the mix.

Anyways, I came across the song that is set to be the second release off your upcoming album, Brass Knuckles a couple of days ago...

Listen: Nelly ft. Fergie- "Party People"

© Universal Records

OMG! What a blazing song! Nelly, you are coming harder than recent memory on this one, and to throw Miss Ferguson on the track; brilliant! I own The Dutchess and know all about "Here I Come," but I had NO idea Fergie could ever get down like THAT on a rap verse! Nelly, I don't know what you did to her or with her, but DAMN! This is definitely hotness all the way around. If this doesn't become some kind of hit, you might as well call it a wrap Cornell and go back to selling Pimp Juice.

Hoping That This Becomes the Hit That You Need to Stay in the Game,


Thursday, March 20, 2008


Dear Miss Diva-ness,

I'm truly looking forward to your upcoming album, E=MC². Although I have my qualms with "Touch My Body," I viewed your SNL performance of it, and "Migrate" earlier this week. I think "Migrate" sounds VERY promising, and I can't wait to hear the studio version of it! Something else I came across of recently is the photo for your upcoming album...

I see where you are trying to go Mariah. It's all about DIVA, I know. Seriously, this looks Diana Ross-esque. It worked (and still does) for Diana Ross because the bitch is fabulous, and is the epitome of diva. As for you Miss Carey, it's just not working for me. You go for BOLD diva, but it is coming more off as Swan Lake to me. Plus, the purple capitalization of your name, come on now! That shit is tacky. We know your name bitch.


P.S. Don't feel too bad, I don't think any today's popular female artist could pull off this type of diva shot. Well, except for Rihanna. That bitch is so fierce, she can make ANY look work. You DID see that part in the "Umbrella" video didn't you?!

P.S.S. If I so happen to post any of your upcoming music in the future, it's only to "promote." Please don't have Blogger delete my shit!

Listen: Mariah Carey ft. T-Pain- "Migrate" (Live on SNL)

© The Island Def Jam Group and Mariah Carey

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Random Ramblings on Danity Kane

Dear Danity Kane,

I'm a fan and believe you are talented. I love the new single "Damaged" and truly hope that it gets its deserved recognition. I came across the music video for "Damaged" a couple of days ago. I had been anticipating the clip because the song is so catchy/high energy, and I thought that the video would have some amazing/crazy choreography. I was right about the crazy part...

What the hell were ya'll thinking?! Even though every single girl looks great, the video overall is seriously lackluster. In all honesty, it looks like Mr. Bitchassness himself told ya'll to go to the create-a-video at the nearest mall, and that take would be your final video. Come on girls, even your last video, the drag-a-lious looking, "Ride 4 U" was more interesting than this video! It is such a shame to see a solid song squandered on a truly mediocre video. I won't even get into the fact that your male Making the Band counterparts, Day26, have a better video for their first single, "Got Me Going," not that that's saying a lot either.

Girls, please don't let Mr. Bitchassness ruin this album as he did your debut. I have heard a few songs from the new album, Welcome to the Dollhouse, and for the most part, it's quite good. I plan to purchase it this week. Oh, before I go, I wanted to address each girl individually...

Dawn- PLEASE, you must release a solo album one day! I absolutely love your voice, tone and all. Also, PLEASE always keep it sexy, because when you aren't in tip top condition from head to toe, you have looked a little raggedy.

Wanita- Yes, I am addressing you as Wanita. I truly believe in my heart of hearts, that you are a cancer to the group, and will eventually be the cause of the inevitable break up. How DARE you have that hood-rat looking other group you are apart of on your Myspace top friends list and not Danity Kane! D- Woods? Pff, although I should call you that because your hair not too long ago looked like you have came out of the damn woods.

Shannon- Work bitch! I'm so proud of you! You have finally gotten a little shine, and I love the way you sound leading off "Damaged."

Aubrey- Girl, what hasn't been said about you lately? I use be a fan of yours way back early in the Making the Band 3 days. You actually were humble and looked like an up and coming star. Now you are all "diva," looking like a drag queen 70% of the time, and a whore for the other 30%. Although I may be off on the latter percentage. Lastly, Miss Auburella, you are not Top Model!

Andrea- You are adorable, and arguably have the best vocals in the group. However, when all is said and done, you aren't the first one that comes to mind when I hear Danity Kane, and you are usually the last one I think about. It's weird, I know... you and Shannon switched places!

Hoping for at Least a 3rd Album, (but doubt it)


P.S. PLEASE release "Pretty Boy" as a future single. I don't care what the majority of people may say, that song is hot, and has major swagger!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

In Response to Madonna's Cover for Her Upcoming Album

Dear Mrs. Ritchie,

You are legendary, there's no refuting that. I think your new single, "4 Minutes" with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland is absolutely hot. I must admit, the song packs more punch than the one you did with Ms. Blackout. I don't know if it's just me, but I find it so odd that you have been able to collaborate with two people that have actually *!@+#$ before! I guess the reason is because you are Madonna and you got it like that.

I was browsing online late last week, and I happened to come across the cover from your upcoming album, Hard Candy.

Mrs. Ritchie, what the $*&#! I understand that sex has been your game for decades, but come on now! Reality check, you will be turning 50 in the not so distant future! I guess it's hard to be you, and to constantly "re-invent" yourself, so you are going back to old tricks. Newsflash, it really didn't work that well last album. Do you truly think upping the sexual anti will seal the deal for consumers? Hard Candy? Mrs. Richie, the only thing I can imagine hard about you is your pussy, because you are damn near 50!

Oh how I miss the Ray of Light image. If I were you, I would try to bring this back, because you are surely not bringing sexy back.

Still Shaking My Head,


Listen: Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland- "4 Minutes"

© Warner Bros. Records